Inside My Head

If only you could take a peek inside my head
You would see how many battles are fought and lost
How jam-packed is my head with corpses of my own dead thoughts
These constant battles, agony and cries
Violent thoughts in a chaotic mind
Like the static on a television screen
Like fingernails being dragged on a chalkboard
It's noise too loud playing on repeat
On headphones taped tightly to my ears
Like being bitten by bullet ants but I can't react
Because if I do, they'll bite more
If only you could take a peek inside my head
You would see my train of thoughts
Filled with dead passengers
With no clear end
Running on the rail of insanity
Mowing down all my emotions
Being driven by insecurity
If only you could take a peek inside my head
Maybe you could help me solve this puzzle
With pieces, I know not, are missing or extra
I wish I could shed a tear
Trust me I'm trying a lot
But this is not sorrow
I wish I could shout and scream
Vent my frustration, paint a target
I am desperately trying to feel anything
But I can't even find empathy for myself
My head is like a pressurised chamber
With no point of release
This writing, this is helping
I think. We'll see.
This is what happens when I let my thoughts run free.
This is what it is.
A massacre on a notepad
Brutal beheadings and chopping off limbs
I don't know what I'm writing
Or if it even makes sense
But to me, this is as sane as it can be
For the sanest answer to an insane world is insanity
Every breath, every second
My one new thought kills millions of older ones
I can't tell each new thought will take what turn
I'm not even sure if I'll post this one
Because I don't want attention but I need concern